Jana (71) and her car

By the way, why don’t you drive anymore? I used to drive my old Corsa for many years. But we had to sell it. It required more and more repairs. So my husband bought me a new car but I do not drive it. I have tried several times. I have almost broken the clutch. It has been one year now. But one day I will try again. It’s heavy for me to do all the shopping and moving around by bus. Maybe we could speak about it one day together, where I am blocked.

Of course. You need to face your dragon, if you want to win your princess :-). /translation: you need to start driving, if you do not want to stay dependent on buses/

By the way, while you don’t look at it, you have two problems: you are in a conflict with your husband (he bought you a car and you do not use it) and with yourself (it annoys you taking bus with heavy shopping bags). Once you take courage and start getting familiar with your new car, the conflict with yourself disappears :-). You go after what is important for you: you will learn driving your new car and regain the freedom to drive where you need to. The second problem will disappear progressively: your husband will see that you are not giving it up, he will have nothing to complain about.

I do not want to destroy the car. The clutch is much more sensitive than the one on my old car. But if you do not use the car, it is not good for it either. In any case, the car will never have that value that you paid for it.

(Jana falls in tears.) My husband says that whatever I touch, burns.

Does it mean that you prefer not to go into conflict with him? In which you already are, by the way.

This way I won’t drive anymore :-(. And I fear that with the time, it will get more and more difficult for me to restart.

And you can also look at it like this: what if, what your husband says, is partially true? At this moment, when you try to drive the car, the car suffers a bit.

In fact, you are not afraid of a conflict with your husband. You do not like what he says because it touches you.

If he said to you that you were a pink elephant, you would not care. But you feel a doubt: what if, what he says, fits? What if everything I touch, does burn?

Make yourself your own opinion about it.

It feels horrible what he says, but at this moment it fits. I cannot yet use the car as I would like to.

You see? You do not even need to fight with him. At this moment you see yourself that you can improve in how to manipulate with the clutch and that is all.

It is relieving. I really mind that I am not able to drive my own car. That I have go by bus everywhere. I need to invest in this: practice, practice, practice. Until I learn it. That is what is important for me.

And you even improve a relationship with your husband. :-) You do not need to fight who is right. Over time, you may even laugh at this story. :-)

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Eva Rohde

My passion is studying people’s stories because each of them is unique. I teach my clients how to use their contradictory thoughts and feelings for making the best decisions. You can read more about me here.